


Trinity

by MagpieFeather



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto
Genre: Alternate Dimension, Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, Crossover, F/F, F/M, Gender or Sex Swap, Genderbending, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, Multi, Romance, there is groping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 03:16:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14967959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagpieFeather/pseuds/MagpieFeather
Summary: Harry, Ron and Hermione are transported to another world after a Death Eater attack. A world with ninja instead of wizards . . . Oh yes, and they've switched Genders.“Oh ha-ha, can’t wait to see the look on your faces when you realise your prick is gone – oh, there it is.”The boys were now grabbing at their privates; Ron spluttering, “Merlin’s balls! My – my!”“Your balls?” Hermione suggested.“My balls!” agreed Ron.“Hermione,” Harry looked up, “can’t wait to see the look on your face when you realise-““Yes,” interrupted Hermione, blushing, “I have a penis. I realised immediately. It is not exactly comfortable in these knickers.”





	1. The Trio

Trinity

Chapter One

The Trio

It was tragic really; Voldemort had killed so many of Harry’s friends and family, school friends, school frenemies, plain old school enemies . . .

Harry had finally had his brief revenge on Voldemort by killing the person Voldemort loved best (Voldemort that is), and before Harry had time to enjoy it, Harry, Ron and Hermione were getting their arses handed to them by a rotten bunch of die-hard Death Eaters. They really _did_ die hard, very hard to kill _this_ lot dead.

Maybe Voldemort had started to share his anti-aging regime with his followers. Maybe Harry should memorise a spell _other_ than ‘Expelliamus!’ . . . Maybe three teenagers just didn’t stand a chance in hell against several middle-aged advanced duellers. We’ll never know.

Things were looking bad. Well, they weren’t just _looking_ bad they were _getting_ bad. Harry and Ron were back to back, Hermione lay injured at their feet, weakly casting a shielding charm around them.

Nowhere to go, no one to help them now. It is no duel when you have seventeen to three, no brave battle. It was attempted-murder, about to become _murder_ -murder. And the weird, the absolute weirdest thing about this is when you have so many spells fired at the same time, they can mix together to form spells never before seen . . .

And this is how, when under a volley of shouted and silently cast curses, hexes, and jinxes etc . . . the tragic trio (as they were forever-after referred in the wizarding world) found themselves wrapped in a glowing rainbow aura. This rainbow aura heralded a spell of ridiculous power and magnitude – the trio experienced the feeling of their physical selves being unmade and remade, not exactly painful, but not an experience you want to experience really. Before their consciousness faded they felt something similar to the realisation you have lost you balance on the edge of a skyscraper (or, for Ron, the realisation you are riding a muggle broom mid -flight).

It was a dropping-out-of-the-sky feeling. And quite correct actually, because they were doing exactly that!

The impact was slowed by something; residual childhood-magic; remains of Hermione’s shielding charm; . . . an _enormous bosom_?

They awoke shortly after landing, feeling strangely robust, and found that not only had this mysterious and powerful spell knocked them out and sent them to a strange new world (it clearly wasn’t theirs), it had switched their genders!

They scrutinised each other and what they could see of themselves, with baffled wonderment. “How on earth?” Hermione immediately retreated into her mind to think it out.

‘Ah, but this wasn’t earth any longer,’ Harry found this the easiest to accept, there was nothing for them back in the old world. ‘A new life in a new world?’ (With his best friends!).

They checked for their wands, Hermione was the only one whose wand was still with her, and it was broken. The three of them had some middling wandless magic, but without their wands a lot of spells were lost to them. The most helpful ones, as it happened.

Hermione quickly theorised what had gone wrong, and that there would be no way back in their lifetime, _so . . ._ no one could blame Harry for taking this chance and running with it!

While Hermione sat with her chin in her hand, still thinking, and Ron held his enormous bosom in his hands, gaping blank-faced into the trees, Harry took in their changed bodies. They still looked very much the same. Hermione was still bushy haired, and where she’d once been lithe, she was now wiry. Her teeth were buck-toothed again though, it now gave her face a charming roguish look.

Ron . . . Harry’s eyebrows rose on his forehead. Now . . . that change was in your face. Still tall for a man, the redhead was now _very_ tall for a woman. And most noticeably . . . Ron was now _very_ busty. Just like Mrs Weasley. With a smaller jaw he looked more like Ginny than he had before. But all the same he would never be pretty; his face was too strong. Though he was rather handsome as a woman in a way he hadn’t been as a man. Still covered in freckles, too.

“Wow, Ron . . . If you’d had those during the battle we could’ve distracted the Death Eaters!”

“Too right . . . Bloody hell!” Ron cried in a husky voice, still holding his breasts up, “What am I going to do? They’re so heavy!”

“Ronald! Do you mind? Don’t squeeze them, it’s obscene!” protested Hermione, shaking a bossy finger. Her voice had changed too, slightly deeper.

Harry and Ron looked at her as she tried to adjust her clothing on her skinnier-yet-broader frame.

“I don’t like this, I haven’t ever heard of a spell doing this before.” She complained, checking her wand over, “Sending us to another world, changing our genders – one or the other, but not both! And who knows what other surprises wait for us down the road? It could years for the next aspect of the spell to show itself!”

“Heh heh, here look at this,” Ron hadn’t been listening, “look at Harry, he’s got tiny tits! Like you used to have, Hermione!”

Harry patted his small chest, aghast, “I do not approve,” he told them unhappily, “I would’ve liked them to be a little bigger than Hermione’s.”

“ _Well,”_ Hermione looked pissed, “Consider yourself lucky, Harry. If we don’t find Ron a bra soon his tits’ll be hanging around his ankles!”

“They’d never,” gasped Ron, _“They’d never . . .?!”_

Still irritated, Hermione ignored the shell-shocked Ron and approached Harry. She grasped his shoulders and looked him over, He was a little taller than her still, very thin with perfect golden skin and large green eyes. His hair lay silky and black, a fetching natural bedhead. His glasses were cracked, she fixed them for him, and sighed, “You have such lovely skin, blast you.” Then with more venom, “ _blast you!”_

Harry adjusted his glasses until they were crooked and finger combed his hair awkwardly, “Hermione . . . you do an ‘alf look unusual wearing that skirt now . . .”

Hermione looked down, they all did. Ron roared with laughter at Hermione’s boyish knobby knees. To make matters worse for himself, during his second wave of even louder laughter, Ron bent at the waist and pointed at the offensive knees.

“Oh ha-ha, can’t wait to see the look on your faces when you realise your prick is gone – _oh, there it is.”_

The boys were now grabbing at their privates; Ron spluttering, “Merlin’s balls! My – _my_!”

“Your balls?” Hermione suggested.

“My balls!” agreed Ron.

“Hermione,” Harry looked up, “can’t wait to see the look on your face when you realise-“

“Yes,” interrupted Hermione, blushing, “I have a penis. I realised immediately. It is not exactly comfortable in these knickers.”

While everyone unwillingly pictured this in their minds eye, Hermione was already thinking ahead, “Harry I think we should exchange clothes, I am worried the natives might attack us.”

Harry reluctantly agreed to hand over his trousers.

“Okay!” Ron’s ears were red and he was still lifting his breasts, “First most important thing is to find me a bra! I can feel them stretching out.”

Hermione and Harry switched clothes and after a quick scourgify, their underwear. Ron would just have to make do. They tore the bottom of his cloak into strips to bind his chest as best they could. But he wouldn’t truly be comfortable until they found better attire.

Time to head for civilisation.

Civilisation turned out to be a small village of Japanese people. Well most of them looked Japanese . . . some had unusual hair colour and even more unusual outfits. But most of the actual villagers looked like regular villagers from their world.

“Mmhmm . . . .” hummed Ron. He turned to face them with wild eyes, “So, they’re jumping around like grasshoppers, Hermione. Explain that, please?”

“Could they be Japanese Wizards?” She mused, “No, but they _do_ have magic, or something like it. Or _some_ of them do, not all. See how most walk? And the ones who are using powers have kind of uniform, and a metal band signalling their power.”

“They’re . . .” Harry wasn’t really allowed to watch TV with the Dursley’s, but that didn’t stop him. He had picked up something, “They’re . . . ninjas!”

“Don’t be ridiculous Harry, ninjas aren’t rea-” Hermione stopped, her face blank, her mind whirling, “Okay, they _are_ ninjas.”

“So Ninjas are the wizards of this world? Do we ask them for help?”

“We shouldn’t be too hasty to inform _anyone_ of our situation, Ron. We don’t know how they’d react.”

“Okay, let’s just approach the villagers. We are travellers who has been robbed and need help. That is all.”

“Alright then!” Harry approached an old man, “Excuse me sir-“

“Get lost!” shrieked the old man, throwing his arms up at them like an angry crab, “Get!”

Hermione backed away, startled, mouth open as the man hobbled away gesturing rudely.

Harry patted her on the shoulder comfortingly, “well, that wasn’t so different to how we’d be treated in our world. We could be wandering in the Ninja version of Knockturn Alley for all we know.”

“I’ll try,” said Ron, trying to cover his breasts a little, “Ugh, how embarrassing. I feel sorry for mum, now I understand all those baggy jumpers.” He approached an odd, hairy, but otherwise approachable man. He _was_ one of the oddest looking people around but seemed friendly, to Ron (who was good at judging these things, at least . . . better than Harry and Hermione) (usually). “Hey, hello, excuse me?” he asked, doing his best at jovial, “could you lend us a hand?”

The man somewhat reproachfully did a double take and spun quickly, long white spikey hair flying about him wildly, a stupid expression on his tattooed face.

Ron suddenly regretted approaching this man at all. He felt for the first time, the dread women feel upon realising you are in the presence of a pervert.

“Ahoyuuu!” cried the man, blushing heavily - and before Ron could object - he reached out and squeezed Ron’s breasts.

Ron shrieked, and Hermione was in front of him. Using all the power in her small body, she slapped the drunk old man and pushed him. The push did nothing, and the handprint was invisible on the mans already red face but the point got across.

They barely had time to collect themselves, when something truly out of the ordinary happened. An onslaught of women appeared out of nowhere, stomping the white hared man into the ground. No one in the street so much as blinked an eye. The trio left in a hurry.

“I don’t like this place, Hermione!” said a traumatised Ron, “I want to go home!”

Harry was covering his own chest in sympathy. Hermione was fuming mad, “There are people like that everywhere Ron, you just need to be quick to spot them and quicker to react. There is no shame in running away, and definitely no shame in striking back! Remember Malfoy?”

“Yeah . . . you’re right Hermione,” Ron still looked rather sad.

She patted him of the arm, “I’ll protect you, Ronald. Look, this guy looks friendly! Let’s ask this person!”

She raced off to a passing man, who was rather alarming dressed in brown with brown hair. He listened to Hermione for a second and they both both nodded. Harry and Ron came over, nervously. Hermione was saying, “Yes! My friend here can _sing_ like an angel! And my other friend here is very strong, she can help with lifting.”

The man sceptically grabbed Ron’s arms and squeezed, ending up looking rather impressed, “Oh yes, very strong woman! Okay, payment when we reach our destination, food is provided on the way.”

“Oh thank you!”

“Caravans on other side of the village, you’ll need sleeping bags. There’s some for you at the camp, I’ll take that out of your wages.”

“Thank you, we’ll be right round!”

The man smiled and left. Hermione turned to them looking strained, “I am going to work as an accountant, Ron you’ll be doing hard labour, Harry. . .  start singing.”

Harry frowned, “I can’t sing.”

“Harry, you have to. You aren’t good at maths or cooking, you aren’t very strong . . . you will need to perform, there isn’t much more I can say.”

So they spent an hour tuning Harry’s voice. Practising every song they knew. Harry’s luck had not run out after all, his new feminine voice was very pleasing to the ear. The only problem was his limited song knowledge. He’d never really been interested in music.

“We can work on that,” said Hermione, pleased that her gamble had paid off. “We’ve got jobs, we’ll have somewhere to sleep, people to glean knowledge of this world from . . . but we have to keep our mouths shut, get our story straight. Be vague. Who knows what this world holds for us, who knows what dangers lurk in our future. But I truly believe we can come out on top from this. If we stick together, stick to our story, we’ll be okay. You both mean the world to me.”

When silence met her statement, she looked for her friends. Both had left sometime during her speech. Harry was on the corner singing, Ron was going around with a cap he’d found, collecting change. “Hey!! I said you both mean the world to me!”

“You mean the world to us too!” shouted Ron at the top of his voice, scaring a small crowd away.

“Well, thanks! And good thinking!” she said, “We’ll need money to get the things we need.” She picked up a few coins, looking at the local currency with narrowed eyes, Hermione thought aloud and betrayed a mistrustful mindset, “This better be real money . . . “

She snagged the cap from Ron and went from person to person, rather demandingly. That is not the way to get money from people, Ron had been doing better.

Meanwhile Ron found a wall to prop up, were to his dismay, he was approached multiple times.

 “What’s your name, big lady?”

“You waiting for someone?”

“Ohoyuuu!”

“You in town long, sweetheart?”

Ron tried his best not to explode, and glanced away as he answered. His yes alighted on the latest mans fat money bag just swinging on his hip. Maybe Ron could be polite, just this once. “Oh no, we’re leaving soon with the caravan.” Ron was hungry. There was a little food stall right there, and _Ron was hungry_. Steal or flirt?

It was quite possible Ron could get a meal out of this guy, he looked desperate and harmless. Dare he put aside his manly pride?

“We’re just trying to make a little money before we continue on,” he said, pushing his chest out, watching the mans gaze zero in, “we were robbed. We’re so hungry, we lost everything!” he added a little creak to his voice to show how sad he was, “They even stole my bra!”

“Oh you poor thing!” said the man, sounding sympathetic but somehow managing to sound pleased too, “here, I’ll treat you to something!”

“You’re too kind!” Ron took the much smaller mans arm and pressed his chest at him, which was more like leaning them on his shoulder. He glanced back to Harry and Hermione to make sure they didn’t see. And caught Hermione in the act of pick-pocketing. They made eye contact. Both made the decision to look away. Desperate times. Desperate measures.

Ron managed to get a little extra food for his friends too. The guy was kiiiinda generous, and kinda lonely too. Ron turned him down _kindly_. Then not so kindly, with a slap, “Don’t push it!”

He met up with Hermione, passing her something on a stick, Harry was still singing and sounded rather hoarse. “Harry!” he called, offering him a stick too. Harry picked up the cap at his feet where Hermine had left it and trotted over.

“Look!” he said, “Seven coins! Wonder what we can get with that, do you think it’s a lot?” He was so proud, he looked into their faces but they wouldn’t meet his eyes, “What’s going on?”

“Let’s get to the caravan, “said Hermione, “quickly!”

“Yeah, “agreed Ron, hurrying away.

They walked, then jogged, then ran for the tree-line. Once at the caravan and having made introductions, Harry insisted they tell him what happened.

Ron produced a purse, with a guilty chuckle, “I didn’t want to rob him, but he was so rude at the end of our date.” He poured out fifteen coins.

Hermione dropped three clinking purses into Harry’s hands, “we need supplies,” is all she’d say, “and these people deserved it.”

“You guys . . .” Harry was cross, “don’t do it again, I’m surprised at you Hermione! It was dangerous! Do you mean no one liked my singing? Was I wasting my time singing myself hoarse up there?! I have a sore throat now!”

“Anyway,” Ron changed the subject, “You don’t think they knew it was us, do you?”

“We’re leaving in the morning, we won’t be back here again.”

They camped around the fire with the others, talking to the guards and getting information was easy. Harry and Ron were a little too good a pretending to be ditsy. The merchants didn’t want a thing to do with them and had their own fire. “So, there are different ninja nations who hate each other. Great. And outlaw ninjas who could kill us all in the blink of an eye. Wonderful.”

They ate stew and shared the treats from the village, and reflected on all that had happened since they arrived.

“I don’t like wearing skirts,” said Harry, “or bras, or singing!” he rolled the coins he’d earned in his hand, “I don’t like it!”

“ _Yes_ you did,” said Ron, finishing a dango and waving a dismissing hand.

“ _No_ , I really didn’t.”

“You did though,” Ron told him, tickling his ribs, “You loved it. You’re an attention seeking little minx.”

Harry giggled, his ribs were very ticklish, “I’m not!”

“Yes you are!” said Ron, falling on Harry, “You are!”

“ _Hee hee hee_!” laughed Harry, turning pink.

“ _Hee hee!_ ” Ron was rather pink too.

“Oh, that is just about enough of that, you perverts,” Hermione stared them down.

“Enough of what?”

“Suddenly so touchy-feely and giggly- _hee-hee_? Don’t think I don’t know what brought this on. I’m not letting you two discover your new lesbian tendencies at an open caravan fire!” they looked at her blankly, even as several coughs came from the caravans around them. “Your newfound womanly bodies don’t fool me – I used to be a woman! You’re still men in there – perverts!”

Ron was affronted, “I think the only pervert here - _is you_! You’re the big fat pervert seeing lesbians everywhere!”

“Yeah and Ron is _Ron_ , Hermione! That would be so revolting!”

“Yea-!- Hey!”

“I mean because you’re like my brother. . . Aaaand also because you’re you.”

“ _Wow._ Thanks Harry.”

“You’re welcome.”

They all glared at each other, and the caravan guards blushing in the darkness. But ultimately, any argument was to cover their own confusion and distress. They couldn’t stay angry. As the night grew colder they gave up on squabbles and cuddled up, whispering their worries into the darkness. “All we have to do is survive.” Said Harry finally, the most comfortable in their new situation, “We’re good at that.”

In the morning they ate a cold breakfast with everyone else, scraped earth over the dying fire and the caravan went on its way.

to be continued


	2. Harry Falls in Love

Trinity

Chapter Two

Harry

Since that first day, they’d come up with a similar scheme. When the caravans set up, Harry and Hermione would go into town (or village) and begin _Ye Olde_ Distraction Con. None of them planned to come back this way, so what was a little stealing in the grand scheme of things? Hermione said they were like Robin Hood, stealing from the rich – and they were the poor.

It was something the old world Hermione would not have likely said.

Harry rather liked this new side of Hermione, even as he worried.

Ron would watch them go, jealous and cross, as the merchants screeched at him for their merchandise to be placed carefully – _carefully! –_ on the cart. Yes, Ron had hard labour to get on with. He shook his fist at the sky dramatically and got to work, wishing he had his wand so he could put a levitating charm on all the crates . . . Still, at least he had earned respect here, instead of having to earn anew it in every town square. _No one_ touches the merchandise (Ron’s personal merchandise that is, not the merchants stuff . . . you’re allowed to pick that stuff up and look at it) without permission!

Anyway, the con; it worked. Harry would sing songs people had never heard before. And if his voice wasn’t quite as sweet as an angels, the novelty made up for it. They’d managed to buy new clothes for them all (and a bra for Ron) with their ill-gotten gains, and now blended in with the crowd quite well . . . despite generally being taller than everyone else, having a different facial structure than the norm and unusual accents. Most people just assumed they were thieving gypsies.

Most people weren’t far wrong.

Harry wasn’t too happy about having to sing and even dance (shuffle awkwardly from side to side as he sang) despite how Ron joked. He was a retiring soul really. He felt sick with all those eyes turned to him. He found himself scanning the faces watching him, looking for a familiar face, looking for red eyes, or a silver mask.

He couldn’t turn it off. He’d been recognised from such a young age, tormented, hounded, hunted . . . being on show like this was unnerving. It was unnatural to his character. He felt unsafe all the time.

It was a little exhilarating too.

Every couple of days they’d set up camp outside a town. Ron  almost always had to stay behind, (sometimes Hermione had to too – on those days, Harry didn’t dare venture out alone) and Harry and Hermione went into town. He tried not to watch Hermione at work, he was frightened someone might see what he saw. 

There was no escaping ninjas.

Without Ron the trio was split. Without their wands, they were vulnerable in a strange world. It felt like at any moment, things could go wrong.

And things did go wrong.

It was during one of their distraction cons. Harry had been singing one of the few songs he knew all the way through (well he _did_ la-dee-da some bits, but it sounded like part of the song) and things were going alright. He had a group of teenage girls following along attentively, trying to memorise a new song. Hermione was sidling up behind them, she caught his eye and winked.

Harry smiled and looked away quickly. He could see that Ron had escaped his caravan duty, but his friend wasn’t lounging around as usual with a gaggle of admirers today. He wasn’t watching Harry, he was watching someone in the crowd – Hermione? But no, he cried out, looked at Harry and shouted a warning –

A glimpse of metal and a smiling mouth.

Harry only had time to let out a shrill scream before he was thrown over someone’s shoulder. Then everyone was screaming. The man who had him over his shoulder was laughing. Then running.

“Harry!” he could hear Hermione and Ron screaming over everyone else, “Harry!”

He wanted to shout for help, but the shoulder in his diaphragm jolted him and all he could do was let out a cry every now and then. It was a ninja, a ninja had kidnapped him! Or . . . arrested him?

Oh bloody hell – was he being arrested?! They . . . hadn’t personally offended this person had they? Harry decided he had not offended this person. He also decided that new ninja world or not, a ninja policeman would have at least spoken to him first. This was a straight up kidnapping which could only end badly.

They were somehow in the trees now, Harry nearly vomited at all the jolting. Leaping about like this wasn’t a smooth as flying about on a broom that was for sure. He held his breath against the jolting and let out the hugest scream he could.

Hmm, he was sure he could do louder with these new pipes. Shriller too.

**“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHhHhHhhhHhh** hhhh-“

The ninja shook him roughly to shut him up. As soon as Harry fell silent (taking heaving breaths and preparing for another big scream), the ninja began to speak to him.

“I _heard you_!” As if imparting some secret.

‘I’m not surprised,’ thought Harry, unimpressed.

“I heard you speak to the snakes I did . . . your bloodline will please my master!”

The man turned to look at Harry, dark eyes roving over his face, sharp teeth visible in a grimace. A symbol scratched out on the metal plate on his forehead.

“And if it doesn’t you’ll have to make do with pleasing me!”

“No!” Harry shouted in his face, in a spitting rage, “NO WAY!” He decided he could go for some screaming again.

**“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! AAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”**

There may have been some magic in these screams after all. They echoed back and forth through the forest over and over until it seemed like there were twenty screaming Harry’s.

Harry began to worry his friends wouldn’t know which direction to go. Hermione would have known exactly what to do in this situation. Tears filled his eyes.

“I hope you scream like this in bed!” Shouted the ninja, perhaps not for the first time. He looked very cross at having to repeat himself.

“Shut up!” said Harry, the last of his screams dying away, “You stupid idiot! Let me go!”

And then quite suddenly, the man let him go. Or, more like dropped him. Harry was falling through the ridiculously tall trees. He made a wild grab for a branch and missed. All he could do now was cover his head and wait for accidental magic.

Or the final, painful and probably ultimately deadly impact.

Harry experienced neither magic nor death, or at least not the magic he was expecting. This was a different sort of magic. The sort of magic most people (even wizards) only dream of.

Harry was swept into a pair of strong arms. They were like iron teddy-bears arms, wrapping him up safe and sound. Harry gazed up into a pair of enormous dark eyes, and promptly fell in love.

“It’s alright, lovely lady,” the young man in possession of those big dark eyes said, “you’re safe now! We  - the Noble Leaves of Konoha - have heard your most youthful cries for help!”

Harry was speechless, unable to look away from the man’s strange and alluring face.

A woman with two buns leant into view, assuring him, “We’re the good-guys, sweetheart.”

That cinched it. He had been saved by the most gorgeous guy he’d ever seen. A good guy. A strong heroic guy. With big dark eyes. And muscles.

“Oh, thank you!” he threw his arms around his saviour and sobbed.

The poor bushy-browed man tried to comfort Harry as much as he could, but eventually the woman had to intervene.

“There-there, it’s okay. I’m Tenten, the green-guy you were hugging is Lee, that grumpy looking guy is Neji – don’t worry he just has resting bitch-face. What’s your name?”

“Harry . . .”

“Do you know why this ninja took you?”

“He .  . .” Harry thought about lying, thought about smudging the truth. But he wasn’t clever enough to fool a ninja and Hermione wasn’t here to help him. He dropped his head and squeezed his eyes shut, before he faced them. “He heard me talking to snakes.”

“To snakes?” Tentens face was frozen.

“I can talk to them. Since I was a baby . . . Oh but I’m not evil! I know most people think snakes are evil, but they’re just so cute and lazy! I try not to talk to them, but one wanted to know what I was singing about . . .” he looked from face to face, terrified, “It’s harmless, it really is!”

Neji leant in to whisper into Tenten’s ear. Her eyes didn’t move from Harry’s face and she didn’t respond. Neji leant back and she continued her questioning.

“And he heard you talk to them and then?”

“He said he wanted to take me to his master, said I have a bloodline or something . . .” Harry swallowed nervously, “said if I didn’t please his master, I’d have to please him!” He burst into tears.

“A cruel beast!” cried Lee, in his usual brash way, “To speak to a lady in such a way! How impolite!” He rushed forward reaching for Harry’s hands, mouth open to say something loud.

Tenten shoved him violently away, “Stop it, Lee! You’ll scare her!”

Harry felt a rush of pleasure at the interest Lee was showing him. Surely it wasn’t wrong for him to want these ninja’s to think he _was_ a girl.

Harry rubbed his chest. His heart was aching.

“So, where did you come from, Harry-chan? Do you need us to take you back?”

“I was travelling with the caravan with my friends. My friends!” he tried to clear his thoughts, “What if someone took them too?!”

“Can they talk to snakes too?”

“No . . .”

“Then it isn’t likely. This was probably a lone ninja acting on his own. Still, we should be sure . . .” Tenten shot a dark look at the missing-nin tied up behind them.   

“We’ll help you!” cried Lee, posing in what Harry thought of as a very handsome way. ”We’ll help you look for your friends!”

Harry honestly couldn’t help himself as his eyes dragged very slowly up the spandex-wearing ninja’s body, until they made eye-contact. Lee was oblivious. A flush crept up Harry’s neck and bled into his face, a blush stronger than any blush he’d blushed before.

This Lee was very impressive. Harry forced his eyes to look elsewhere and found himself making unwilling eye contact with Neji who wore a knowing and incredulous look.

Neji knew. Harry had his first crush on a guy and _now the guy’s friend knew._ Harry groaned quietly to himself.

Tenten shot him a curious look, looking suspiciously from Neji’s scowl to Harry, “I agree, this forest is dangerous. A lot of missing nin. We’ll help you find your friends, wont we Neji?”

Neji looked away.

“We’ll get her safe and sound to her friends, _wont we Neji?”_

Neji said nothing and made no noise.

Tenten approached him, her back to Harry. Harry could only imagine she was pulling some kind of face because the other man said,

“. . . Yes . . .”

Tenten’s face was so pleased when she turned to Harry that Harry had to smile back. These Konoha ninja were funny.

“We just finished our mission, but we have a little time before we have to get back. It shouldn’t take too long to help you.”

Harry nodded distractedly, his attention on Lee - who was stretching.

“Yosh!” said the man in green, mouth in the shape of an ‘O’, thick eyebrows drawn determinedly, “YOSH!”

A hand waved in front of Harry’s face and he was dismayed to find Tenten now sported that knowing, and incredulous look. Just why was it so difficult for them to believe he’d find Lee attractive? The man was vibrant and strong, heroic and kind, and his hair looked so soft. So unlike anyone Harry had ever known before.

Throwing caution to the wind he went full limpet. Refusing to let Lee go ahead and scout for his friends, rudely insisting Neji did. During this argument, all was revealed. In a last ditch effort to attach himself to Lee, (who proved to be a bit of a slippery fish) Harry cried, “Lee, do you have a girlfriend?!”

Lee was flustered, finally recognising (to his immense flattery) (and horror) that Harry had a crush on him.

“Oh, what terrible fate! To think I had already given my heart to another; my sweet cherry blossom!” He noticed Harry’s tearful face, “But you are in the prime of your youth, young Harry! Your beauty could rival even my beloved Sakura, I’m sure you will find someone who will love you in return in no time! I will help you!”

Harry tried to smile even as his heart broke. To fall in love and have your heart broken in the same hour. Harry tried to console Lee, anyway, “I-it’s alright, Lee. Of course I should’ve known . . . A guy like you would surely already have a girlfriend. I just couldn’t go on without knowing I’d tried to win your heart. Please, let me be close to you until we find my friends.” He knew he was laying it on thick, he also knew Tenten was watching them avidly. Neji had buggered off long ago.

“Lee . . . I really don’t think Sakura would mind,” said Tenten.

Lee caved quickly with permission from his teammate, “But . . . not _too_ close . . .”

‘Why not? Would you ravish me if I got too close? Or are you afraid I’d ravish you?!’ Is what Harry wanted to ask but he had enough self-preservation not to. He knew that such comments would not go down well with this brave and loyal and honourable man.

_“You’re drooling, Harry . . .“_ whispered Tenten in a sing-song voice. She was clearly enjoying the situation.

Harry pressed his hands to his cheeks, and wondered at the whole thing. That he had become a girl and was happy. That he had fallen in love with someone unattainable. That he was such a flipping idiot. Lee obviously didn’t like him!

‘But not too close,’ He’d said. So obvious! He couldn’t stand Harry being close to him!

Harry stepped away from Lee, his face cooling in his shame. He felt sick. He was silent as Neji came back and told him where his friends were. The whole caravan was out looking for him it seemed. It warmed his heart to know they cared. It took Neji fifteen minutes to locate his friends, further into the forest.

Ron and Hermione had shouted themselves hoarse, their eyes were bloodshot and faces tear-stained. When they spotted him with Tenten and Lee, they broke into cries of joy. A cheer went up from the caravan. The trio ran and stumbled into each other’s arms.

Shortly after this, he bid the Konoha ninja farewell, the caravan plying them with food in thanks. He tried not to hug Lee too long, but ended up not being able to let go. With a warm laugh, Lee pulled away, a bittersweet sort of expression falling into a silly grin.

“Farewell, sweet lady! Keep safe!” He struck a pose, “You have been saved by Rock Lee of Konoha and his trusty youthful teammates, Tenten and Neji! YOSH!”

There was a pained groan from Tenten, and then they were gone.

Later, after Harry had eaten and told his story at the fire, the Trio retreated to their bedrolls early. Ron expressed anger at ninja’s in general, that no one should have that power. Hermione just chuckled and said it wasn’t too different from their own magic.

“Perhaps we might begin experiments with the wood here, and figure out some wand cores. Perhaps there are magical creatures in this world? If we can make our own wands, we won’t be so helpless.”

They all liked the sound of this plan. First they needed a base of operations, they had enough money to rent for a few months now. If Hermione could find a book-keeping job in a town, they were set.

It took a couple of weeks but they eventually found the perfect town and set up shop. Harry easily got work as a shop girl, due to being pretty. Poor Ron was at hard labour again, moving crates. Hermione was working as an accountant. Everyone felt the most sorry for her. Still they spent more time together now, had privacy and room to grow into their new lives.

Ron fit easily into a tomboy labourer, with his sleeves rolled up, strong body and surly expression. Hermione was small, bookish and clever with a quick wit and smile. Harry was lithe and pretty in a way that was rare to see, a happiness lit her from the inside so bright people wondered what it was.

It was Rock Lee, just knowing he was out there somewhere in the world.

When people asked him he just smiled mysteriously, because when he’d told Ron (who had asked what the silly grin was about) he’d wet himself laughing.

“That googly-eyed weirdo?! Hahaa!”

So now he just smiled mysteriously, while Ron giggled in the background.

It was peaceful for a while, but things don’t stay peaceful around Harry for long. One day he was watching the shop and the bell rung. Before he’d even looked up, he knew something bad was going to happen. He looked up from his book slowly.

The most horrible ninja stood there, scarred, enormous, his skin was so tanned it was sunburnt, his white teeth in sharp contrast as he spoke, “Well, well, you weren’t here last time, my pretty little one.” Harry could tell this guy was out for trouble.

Moving slowly, Harry put his book down, “Do you need something?”

“Yeah, now that you mention it – You!”

“What!” Harry tried to run into the backroom, but the big man grabbed him and held him still.

“Stay and talk to me, sweet thing!”

“Hey!” It was Ron, “Get off of her!” Sometimes Ron came to the shop on his breaks and they’d spend half an hour gossiping like the old maids they’d be one day.

Instead of relief, Harry’s terror intensified. The ninja looked Ron over and threw Harry to the side, “Now, this is more like it! A real woman!”

“What,” Ron frowned deeply, “Oh _no._ Er-”

The ninja grabbed Ron around the middle, it was rare for someone to be taller than Ron, yet here he was, manhandled by a giant rivalling Hagrid. He kicked out at him, unable to move his arms, and the ninja took advantage, kicking his own leg between Ron’s. Ron went still.

“Urk!” He said.

Harry launched himself at the ninja, hitting him with his fists, “NO! Stop it!” It was like trying to hit a cement wall.

People were running around outside the shop, shouting. Harry worried this was happening all over town. The door burst open and Hermione was there, bushy hair out of its bun. The ninja stopped what he was doing to Ron and stared. Hermione stared. Then screamed.

“Right, that’s it!” She pulled out a stick, “Avada Kedavra!”

BOOM!

The wand blew up and Hermione went flying out of the door. The ninja laughed incredulously. Harry didn’t know what to do – Stay with Ron or help Hermione? The ninja decided things. He stormed out to Hermione where she was passed out in the street, blood pouring from her nose and mouth.

Harry ran to her even as the ninja kicked her.

“What was that little stick supposed to do? Huh? Kill me?!” the ninja kicked again and Hermione went flying. Harry screamed, “Leave him alone!”

Ron was in the street too now, teary-eyed and bruised, “Hermione!”

“Oh yeah,” said the ninja, grabbing Ron and dragging him back to the shop. Ron put up such a fuss the ninja laughed and threw him into an alley. Harry was there all the time, hitting him with increasingly weak fists.

“Stop it! Stop it! Please stop it! Ron! RON!”

Ron was still struggling, but there was a look of defeat in his eyes, “Harry, please, go to Hermione . . . just go!”

Legs giving out, Harry fell to the ground. He thought the end had come.

But here, the ninja was falling in a bloodied heap, a huge bump on his head. Teeth scattered about Harry’s knees. And there, standing before Ron like an avenging angel was a tiny ninja woman, with pink hair and blazing green eyes.

“Out cold, with possible brain damage,” she said, “lucky for him.”

“Lucky for me!” Ron stood shakily, “Thank you!”

Harry stood too, running to Hermione, “Hermione!” he shook her. Ron dropped next to him, tears falling on Hermione’s face.

“S-he tried to protect us,” cried Harry. A blonde man knelt beside them and took in the scene.

“Sakura! We need you over here,” he patted Harry gently on the shoulder, “everything will be okay! My friend is the best medic in the world.”

He didn’t touch Ron, who curled his body away from the strangers, and even Harry.

When Hermione was being healed, Harry introduced himself. He was ridiculously pleased to find out they were from Konoha. He held questions of Lee inside, choosing instead to thank them all personally. Naruto the greatest Ninja in the world, Sakura the greatest Medic in the world and Sai, who was . . . Pale and interesting, but not as interesting and Lee. They carried Hermione to her room, tripping over stacks of books varying from accountancy to children’s fiction (Hermione was determined to know everything about this world).

Ron wanted to watch Hermione sleep, so Harry fed the ninjas alone in their tiny kitchen. He couldn’t resist telling them about Lee. “You know it’s a bit of a coincidence that you Leaf Ninja are here to save the day again!”

“How so?” asked Sakura. Naruto was stuffing his face and didn’t look to be listening, but Sai was clearly invested in the answer too.

“A month or two ago my friends and I were travelling with a caravan. A crazy ninja tried to capture me, and I was rescued by a team of passing Leaf Ninja! You’re the good guys, right? That’s what they told me!”

“Right!” agreed Naruto, happily.

“Did you get their names?” asked Sakura.

“Yes, Tenten, Neji and . . . and-” Harry’s reaction was completely overwhelming him, he tried to turn his flaming face away, “ _Lee._ ”

“I have never seen fuzzy-brows get that reaction before!” Naruto whistled, “What did he _do_?”

“He . . . saved me.” Harry was still so in love.

“I know Lee can be, a little . . . outrageous. But he didn’t do anything _really_ weird did he? Nothing . . .  Inappropriate?”

“I wish!” said Harry, aloud.

“Ah,” said Sakura.

“I don’t get it.” Said Sai.

Naruto was choking on his food, Sakura slapped him heavily on the back.

Ron stepped into the room, smiling nervously, “Talking about Harry’s hero, are we? Can’t go a day without hearing about how strong Lee was.”

“Ron! For Merlin’s sake . . .” Harry covered his face, “I can’t help it! The attraction was so . . . _magnetic_!”

The best way to describe the expressions of Sakura and Naruto would be gobsmacked. They finished their short meal and gossip, and then Ron and Harry were seeing the ninja off. There were more than just Naruto’s team, and they had been more bad ninja on the loose than they realised, as they saw them lug the menacing (or not so menacing while knocked out) group away.

It was difficult to get back into the swing of things. The whole town was thrown out of kilter. It wasn’t unordinary to see someone crying in the street in the days after the attack.  Hermione healed well, though her nose would always be a little crooked now, but it didn’t ruin her pretty-boy face.

It was two weeks later, that the Leaf ninja returned. The Hokage wanted to know about Harry’s snake-speaking abilities, and invite them to live within the village walls. Not only that, but it was Team Seven and Lee who brought the news.

“It’s a honey trap!” cried Ron, “How do we know what goes on beyond those wall? They might chop you up! They only sent Lee because they know you’d follow him anywhere, looking at his bum.”

“Ron, did you have to say that in front of everyone?”

Ron glanced around at the uncomfortable ninja, finally looking at his angry friend, “Sorry.”

“Let me talk to them,” said Hermione. She was gone all of five minutes, “Alright pack your bags, we’re off.”

“What? We’re going with them now?”

“Yep.”

“Okay!” Harry ran to pack his bags, a skip in his step.

Ron waited, staring Hermione down, “So they want Harry’s bloodline.”

“Yes.”

“And they think he’ll have children with Lee, thus giving their children the ability to talk to snakes.”

“Yes.”

“Sounds harmless, and Harry will enjoy it. I’ll go pack!”

On the way back, Lee courted Harry. Harry was at first sceptical, “But I thought you loved Sakura.” He couldn’t keep the jealousy from his voice.

“I thought I did, but it was a mere infatuation, compared to the love I feel for you. Ever since I held you in my arms, I have longed for your return.”

It was exactly what Harry wanted to hear, and better yet, Lee seemed so earnest and incapable of deception. It must be true! Lee loved him too!

“I have dreamed of your embrace every night since the day we parted,” said Harry.

Lee blushed, Harry blushed, they _all_ ~~screamed for ice-cream~~ blushed. Sakura couldn’t take it anymore, “But how? How did someone like you end up in love with someone like him?”

The spandex clad ninja ducked his head, a sad sort of expression on his face. Harry felt protective, “How could I not fall in love with a man who is so selfless, so brave and true? I loved him the moment I looked into his eyes.”

Taking Harry’s hands in his own, Lee smiled down at him, pure love and tenderness flashing neon from his eyes.

Ron wanted to throw up, “They’re perfect for each other. So soppy, ugh.”

And so it continued, Lee growing more confident in his wooing, Harry growing bolder with his flirtations. Soon the rest of the group were either trailblazing ahead or lagging far behind the smitten couple.

Not much more happened on the way to the village, though they were quarantined and thoroughly questioned for days before they were let in. Ron got the worst of it as the clearly horribly embarrassed guard patted his bosom down for contraband _daily_.

Once things settled down though, and everyone was in work, Harry was thoroughly swept off his feet. It was the quickest courtship and engagement the village had ever seen. The two were hardly ever seen apart.

“Harry, you’ve only known him a month. Are you sure?” Hermione whisper-shrieked, “We can get you out of this, we still have time!”

“Yeah, mate, does he . . . know, about you? About us?”

“He knows everything.”

“What!” Hermione was having an aneurism.

“He was very understanding!”

“You should’ve asked us first, it’s our secret too!”

“He is going to be my husband, I want him to know all about me! And speaking of knowing everything about me . . . can you two stay somewhere else tonight?”

“Really, Harry? Why can’t you go to Lee’s?”

“Please?”

“Alright! Alright. I suppose I can stay with Anko, she has offered before.”

“Be careful Hermione . . .” warned Ron, “That woman sometimes looks at you like Harry here looks at Lee.”

“Well,” Hermione blushed, “Well.”

“I’ll go ask my workmates if they’ll let me couch-surf for the night.”

“Thanks Ron, thanks Hermione! Bye!”

Harry shooed them out. Ron and Hermione shared an amused look and parted ways. Hermione headed towards the market and the food stores, and Ron headed towards the bars where his workmates spent their evenings.

He was halfway there when someone called out to him, “Hey, Ron!”

“Hey Naruto!”

-

To be continued

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of a vey old story of mine. I wanted to revisit a few of my old writings and try to make them . . . better without losing what they were . . . I hope whoever reads this enjoyed it. I hope I haven't offended anyone with my obliviousness. If anything I have written is ofensive or hurtful, please let me know and I will write it out! Best wishes!


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